Psalm 31:9 Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am in distress;
My eye is wasted away from grief, my soul and my body also.
Yesterday was weird. I was so oppressed it felt dangerous. Everything in me felt worthless, ineffective, unloved and a bother to people. I felt like I had anger build up and I needed a drink to put out the fire. (I don’t drink).
Ironically, another woman posted on facebook that she felt worthless and asked if there was anyone in her life who cared for her.
Then I got a text message from another friend who was dangerously emotionally low and needed help.
Then another friend said she received an email from a stranger about how bad and ineffective she was; my friend talked about how dumb she was and she has no access to God.
I told my one friend that her badness isn’t more powerful than His goodness.
I told my other friend that I loved her and was here for her to hold her hand.
I told the other woman that I would be at her door knocking if I lived nearby, and we would go shout to the Lord together!
And then I told myself that if there is anything good in me, it is because Christ lives in me and is pleased to dwell there, but it is SEEN and FELT because of where my eyes are focused.
Our failures, ineffectiveness, anger build up, emotional lows, feelings of worthlessness, and distresses, are not bigger than His Triumph, His Effectiveness, His Patience, His Joy, His Worthiness and His Peace and they all live inside of me. They may not be activated because of where my focus lies, but they are there.
I was told once by a pastor that Christians don’t get depressed if they are praising God. Sometimes we can’t praise God. Sometimes the battle against us is so strong and real, we can’t use our loud voices to say anything good, but we can say “be gracious to me Oh Lord for I am distressed. My eye is wasted away from grief; my soul and my body too.”
Is that not a significant prayer? Can we identify with David who was “The Praiser?” David, whom God called a “man after my own heart”? David, who sinned with Bathsheba. David, one who didn’t look like a King. (He didn’t look the part at about 5’3″ and 130 lbs).
Our badness is not more powerful than His goodness. Our weakness only invites His strength and it has nothing to do with us. Activating all that is within us is merely a pivot of our eyes back on His graciousness and competence in the absence of ours.