Darlene Rose

The Lord gave the word; great was the company of those who proclaimed it. Psalm 68:11

All My Lovers Deceived Me

Hannah Hurnard quote: O Shepherd. You said you would make ...

I woke up this morning with a thought of the book “Hind’s Feet on High Places” by Hannah Hurnard. It is an allegory of a young girl named Much Afraid who had only one desire and that was to be with the Chief Shepherd always. The problem she had was her lame feet. In order to reach the top where the Chief dwelled she had to have her feet healed or she could not make it up.

Of course, that is her journey as she sets up the mountain in spite of her feet, because of her desires, and ultimately her feet are healed.

Our journey is like that. I have always loved this book and have read about ten times in my 35 years of being a Christian. I read it even before my own feet became lame.
That, in and of itself, is a story to write about.

I wasn’t thinking of my journey or my feet when I woke up. I had one small fleeting thought of a principle in this book. I could look at my feet and say “I shouldn’t have lame feet. I am a child of the King.” Or I could say “I shouldn’t, but I do, and I have no resources in and of myself to make them whole in order to get to the top of the mountain. I have no strength for the journey. I have no crutches, no proper shoes.”

I have severe arthritis in my feet that often cripple my walk, but here is a story. In 2018, I was working in the health food store where I work now. I could only work 5 hours per day and 3 days per week because of the pain. One day, the manager said to me “You may have heard I gave my notice.”

I had not heard this! I asked her what she was going to do and what her next plans were. The thought to ask her who will succeed her did not cross my mind for five minutes, and I heard in my spirit “Abraham considered not his body.”

I was frozen at the thought. “Was this God?”

Well of course it was! Who else would it be? I knew exactly what that meant and I also knew there was nothing I could offer as a full time manager, working 40 hours per week. How could I do this? I could barely walk without pain as it is!

I asked her if anyone has applied for the position and she smiled and said “No” so I told her I’d like to apply. She said “I was hoping you would. And so is the rest of the staff.”

As of November 2018, I am still there. My feet still hurt. I could look at that.

Or I could look at me being only able to do 2500 steps in a day at that time, now able to do over 6,000 steps a day.

My journey is not over yet. The manifestation of my healing is on its way.

I wasn’t thinking about all that this morning though. I was just thinking about the book. A fleeting thought. And as I sit here with fingers positioned to write more, and as I read His word for the day (Psalm 18 for March 18th), I find this:

Psalm 18: 31 For who is God, except the Lord?
And who is a rock, except our God?

vs 32 It is God who arms me with strength,
And makes my way perfect.

vs 33 He makes my feet like the feet of deer,
And sets me on my high places.

He started to link my thoughts together. Never call your thoughts random because then you will not pay attention to them. They may come out of left field but pay attention.

Then He linked a conversation I had with a friend yesterday. It was about depression. She said “I know I should have a positive attitude but I just can’t seem to. I try but it isn’t happening!”

I told her that perhaps she should say instead “This isn’t the best place for me, but I have no resources to pull myself up and out. I trust You, Lord, to do it. I need You. I have no resources. I’m bankrupt.”

As long as we have other resources to pull us up and out of whatever we find ourselves in over and over again, the Lord will continue to let us have them until they no longer serve us well.

For me with my feet, I couldn’t do so many things because of my feet. This was a VERY TRUE statement. Yet, somehow, I managed to lament that I could not and yet still continued to try everything on my own. What was my desire? Yes it is to be healed but it wasn’t happening.

For my friend, and many others, she was trying to “will” herself to have a positive attitude, but her will wasn’t doing it. She could will with all her might and it wasn’t happening.

A few days ago, I was positioned at the keyboards here, just waiting for the Lord to speak to me and through me. He was faithful to come in just 10 minutes, though I didn’t have any more time to write. I needed to get to work and when I got into the car, I heard a notification on my phone. A friend “randomly” sent me a prophetic soaking song by Julie True. For starters, he has never sent me music, let alone soaking music. He has not so much as sent a video. In fact, he is a facebook friend I know very little about. He was led to do so.

I turned it on and the song was about releasing it all to Him. As I sang, the song of the Lord came through me and I sang to Him all the way to work. I started the day with ” I have no time to write anything, I have nothing, I am bankrupt” but the little time I did have, I gave to Him and the remainder of the day was the expression of God through me – all day.

Who is God except the Lord?

What are your resources? You can use them, but here is where the problem lies with resources; when they take the place of God Himself.

My same friend who is trying to have a positive attitude also has diabetes and is wondering why her medication isn’t working. I asked her how her diet was and she still eats sugary things because they make her feel better. I agree with her, they sure do. So her will has become a resource that has failed her. And the comfort foods have become a resource that has failed her. She is running out of resources.

I reminded her that the Lord allows us to run out of resources when we use them in place of Him. While I spoke to her, it was a reminder to me too.

We need to be emptied. We need to come bankrupt. Oh we all know this. We’ve said it, we’ve sung it, we’ve read it, we’ve heard it in the pulpit. Over and over again until it no longer has meaning.

But when we come to Him truly understanding what bankrupt means, void of any of our own resources, we can now wait for Him. We have none other. We can wait patiently without squirming in our flesh. We have none other.

And He comes. He is Faithful even though we are not.

Lamentations 1: 19 “I called for my lovers,
But they deceived me;

For who is God, except the Lord?
And who is a rock, except our God?
It is God who arms me with strength,
And makes my way perfect.
He makes my feet like the feet of deer,
And sets me on my high places.

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2 responses to “All My Lovers Deceived Me”

  1. Thank you Darlene. Wes and I read psalm 18 tonight. I had read your blog this morning. Tonight as we were sitting here I ask Wes what he would like to read out loud. He and I share reading scripture out loud. I thought how amazing God is on His timing. May God continue to strengthen your feet. ❤️🙏

    1. How beautiful! And thank you. He strengthens my feet little by little daily. ❤

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